The Vampire Diaries Recap - The House Guest

I must start by confessing that I only got through half my bottle of wine during this episode. Must be some kind of record for me. Probably because my hands were shaking too hard to stress over picking up the top heavy stemware. But!!! It means I have some left for raising my glass in Katherine's honor. Let's get this party started!

• Morning sex? UNICORNS PRANCING ON RAINBOW ROADS AND FLOWERS FLOATING FROM THE SKY!
• This episode had a lot of choking. It must be a required class. I should take that class. How cool would I be? “Excuse me you stepped on my foot!” *wall smash choke”
• My BFF (@libraryofbird) gets the tweet of the week AGAIN with this gem: “I wonder if Katherine bit Jenna would she get drunk?” - my answer is a resounding YES. Love you Birdie!
• High school. The lesser seen and spoken of mythical creature of Mystic Falls.
• Slumber party with Katherine!?!?!? I am so down!!! Think she’d braid my hair?
• Hey Bonnie? If you’re going to sneaky snog you really should put out a bit more than a peck. What a prude.
• Anyone else want to jump Alaric’s bones right there in his classroom? That desk is more than big enough.
• Stefan should go into politics. He gives the same damn “lets hold hands around a campfire” speech every single week.
• Damon & Kat’s little game of patty cake was wicked hot.
• YOU Dr. Martin are the problem. Just die already PLEASE!
• Caroline is the best. The Notebook rocks.
• I wanna be friends with those girls SO BAD! I am awesome at gossip. I’m a terrific listener. And I always have wine. They would LOVE me! Though sharing the wine with Jenna could be troublesome.
• FINALLY we know what happened to Emily. It was always assumed but it has seriously been bothering me for forever. Am curious to see how Damon failed though.
• Kat & Damon should be treated to a full sorority house for reading through all those damn journals. Snoozefest much? “Dear Diary, today I was boring and weak as usual. Had a steak for lunch.”
• THAT’S WHAT YOU GET MINI MANWITCH! Mess with the bull you get the horns. Stupid kid was never gonna be cool enough to get to kill Katherine. As if.
• What is with this show always making me want tequila. I’m gonna send them my Patron bill.
• I am like obsessed with love stories so the whole bit at the grill?? Circus seal went crazy with the clapping kids. CRAZY!!! My living room sounded like Sea World. And I may or may not have done a little dance. The singing? The kiss? The dip? My poor little girl heart.
• I hope that when Stefan recovered from the migraine he got Elena’s shit back for her.
• Ouch Damon. Go ahead and stab her again. She’s a mega bitch. A mega bitch I love but a mega bitch all the same.
• Dr. Martin is such a dick. Where are people supposed to eat now? Where is Alaric going to live? And how is Matt gonna pay his bills?
• (In the style of Chandler Bing) Could Caroline BE any more awesome?? She totally freaking saved him guys!!! Oh and Matt. I love Matt too. When I thought he was a gonner? Lord help me.
• Never in my life have I been so excited to see Katherine. Someone get our girl a wet nap and cocktail.
• Go Stefan with your Damon sized neck snap!!! HOT! Though not as funny as when Damon does it. Work on that.
• RIP manwitches. I have never been a fan of sloppy joes. “We made em nice and shloppy fo ya!“ You will not be missed.
• I hope Jer & Bonnie are still getting it on as we speak.
• That house has 6 OTHER rooms? Looks like I need to get packing! It’s time to move. Also, cheers to Damon for pushing Kat out of the bed. A) it was funny as hell. B.) It would be way creepy for them to bone at this point.
• I feel a serious compel party needs be thrown in Matt’s honor. At least Caroline tried. I never imagined he’d pin Vicki on her. Thank god they’d finally squeezed in one magic moment. These two are so damn tragic.
• Speaking of tragic. Just tell her already Alaric. She's drunk enough to be cool about almost anything.
• Well hello there Isobel! You look like shit and you have terrible timing. I hate you. Go away and take John with you. The two of you have a parenting award to collect.

So friends?? What do you think? I am putting together a pretty nice, stabbing free Dinner Party for our writers who let all of our lovlies live. Hope you'll all join me. What else are we gonna do for 6 weeks? Speaking of which, keep checking in here and be sure to follow me on twitter. I have a very exciting hiatus comforting project coming up that I know you will all LOVE. Or should love if there is nothing wrong with you. Stay tuned!