The Vampire Diaries Recap - The Last Day

I have to start by saying that before this episode even started I felt this hum of excitement that, for some reason, has been missing for me over the past couple of weeks. I can’t put my finger on exactly why but I just had that FEELING. You know? Of course you do. And I really love being right. Happens a lot but it never gets old.

• Damon is shirtless a lot lately. Maybe it’s the laundry soap he’s using making his shirts itchy? He should try the stuff without dyes or perfumes.
• I swear I am not 12 but Stefan grabbing Elena’s hand gave me chills and sent those unicorns galloping over a DOUBLE RAINBOW. Galloping.
• I know I am evil and going to hell but Carol Lockwood’s bounce on the railing was uproariously hilarious and grotesque and I giggled. Lots. I also giggled in Titanic when the people bounced off the ship parts. I have issues. I know. Move on.
• Damon dumping the remainder of his Scotch was a total party foul. Alcohol abuse!!
• Things I hate: Matt lying to Caroline and Sheriff Forbes being too dumb to see how awesome her daughter is. Things I love: MATT LOOOOOOOOOOVES HER! He REALLY loves her!!
• Why is Elena going after Damon? Let him pout. Elena has NO boundaries with him. What a cock tease. And since when is his room upstairs? Am I lost?
• Is it just me or did Elena seem like Damon didn’t really have to force feed her the blood? She looked pretty thirsty for it.
• THAT is the fight I was waiting for last week!! YES YES YES!! Can we get a cage in here? Can they rip each other’s shirts off and fall into a random oil puddle where they roll around?
• Husband thinks that Alaric should get Jenna in a bedroom and show her just how well he stakes things.
• Jules needs to take her fucking face out of Mystic Falls. She’s like the Chlamydia of TVD.
• Do what you want with Tyler (not really, don't kill him or anything) but MORE STABBING OF CAROLINE FORBES WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!!
• I would like for Joseph Morgan to come over and read my stereo instructions to me right away. It’s urgent.
• Stefan is magical and I love him and he’s magical.
• I feel like everyone should carry a copy of “Klaus and the Curse” cliffs notes to pass out to the clueless. “Read this Tyler. Wake me when you’re done.”
• Stefan is magical.
• OMG MATT!!! I KNEW IT! He’s magical too. I think Damon should have been a little nicer to him considering how helpful he was.
• Dalaric Lives! Why don’t these two just get married already? Katherine should be in the wedding as well. In the Pretty in Pink poof dress with the flower crown. And Alaric can stumble drunkenly to the car and forget his veil
• Ok. Tyler’s alright.
• Aw man. Elena made me cry. But the husband brings up a good point. She’s ok with dying but not vamping out? She’d rather die now than live forever? While I totally respect her choice….. I would never be so lame.
• We’ve covered how Stefan is magical and everything BUUUUUUT…. if I spent my very last day alive or whatever, hiking I would be so pissed. My husband would never be such a dumb ass.
• GOD. Crying again. THIS SUCKS!! Except it’s so beautiful and awesome and SUCKS!!
• Another phenomenal performance by Michael Trevino. You all know that there are invisible leprechauns actually pulling his limbs out of their sockets right?
• *facepalm* Damon rides the short bus. If he remembers what time it comes in the morning. I wanna give him a participation trophy for trying and for saving Caroline but JEEZ!
• Anyone else really hoping Klaus would have said Plan B instead of Back up plan?
• Call her? Her? Her who? *does chick vampire math* Her who? Her WHAT? WHAT!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! How did I forget to put Aunt Jenna in my protective cocoon of safety and love? I AM SO FIRED!
• That said, is it ok if I REALLY wanna see her vamp out? Like real bad. And, as my BFF noted on twitter: "Jenna as a vampire could work, she is used to a liquid diet." Love you @libraryofbird
• Damon getting bitten is going to end up being more painful for everyone than it will be for Damon. That happens when idiots fuck up.

So TVD owes me for my heartburn medication, my future aneurysm removal and recovery, YEARS of booze bills and subsequent rehab stay, my Xanax prescription and my carpet cleaning bill for when I finally peel my dirty catatonic ass off the floor. How are you friends? Y’all alive out there?